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Wives, to your Husbands, say it with Words
Introduction: Someone said, "Marriage is not so much finding the right person, as it is being the right person." There are two things that make a real marriage work:
First: A women characterized by SUBMISSION: Where the WIFE must come to terms with her role and ask, "Do I love my husband enough to live for Him?"
Second: A man characterized by SACRIFICIAL LOVE. Where the HUSBAND must come to terms with his role and ask, "Do I love my wife enough to die for her?"
With that in mind, let's look at the marriage scene in I Peter 3:1-7. On this “Mother’s Day,” let’s review FOUR marriage principles for the Wife in verses 1-6 and then on “Father’s Day,” five weeks from now, we will review FIVE marriage principles for the Husband, all found in verse 7.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. (3) Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; (4) But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (5) For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: (6) Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. (7) Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
It may seem strange Peter’s advice to wives is 6 times as long as that to husbands. This is because the wife’s position is far more difficult than that of the husband.
If a husband becomes a Christian, he will usually bring his wife with him into the church.
But if a wife becomes a Christian, while her husband does not, she is taking a step which produces problems.
I am confident that some lady is thinking, "Sure, I will be glad to live like that as long as I have the right kind of husband." Nevertheless, these verses are written especially to the wife who has the WRONG kind of a husband.
Notice Peter doesn't make allowances for the wife to say, "It could be different if only I had a Christian husband or a spiritual husband." Forget the "If only" and the "If…then." Living as a Christian does not depend upon anyone else.
Peter is talking to wives whose husbands are unsaved or whose husbands are saved but living as carnal Christians.
Now, before I focus your attention upon these verses, that to some will seem very controversial, let me state two things:
Number 1: It was God who gave these words to Peter. So if you have an issue with them; then I encourage you to take it up with God in your prayer time.
Number 2: These words are sorely needed among us, as I see a tremendous problem for our women in the church in general. On this point you might not agree with me, but nevertheless it is true. Just stop for a moment and apply each one of these points in the negative and you will see the problems facing women in the church today.
The First Principle found in verses 1-2 has to do with ACTION. “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” The word "conversation" speaks about your "behavior." Even though your husband may be tough to live with, he probably isn't blind. He cannot totally ignore the behavior of his godly wife. Nagging and preaching will only drive a greater wedge between your husband and Christ. Peter is saying, I believe,
More could be accomplished if you begin to let your behavior at home speak for itself. Your prayer ought to be "Lord change me" before you pray "Lord deal with my husband.”
As a wife, you cannot make your husband something he is not, only God can do that. It is your job to obey your husband. It is God’s job to change his life.
In verse 1 the word "Subjection" has the idea of "Submission." In the context we find two basic components of submission,
In verse 6 we have the element of OBEDIENCE, this speaks of your ACTION. This has to do with WHAT you do.
In verse 2 we have the element of RESPECT, this speaks of your ATTITUDE. This has to do with HOW you do it.
ACTION and ATTITUDE are both important in the idea of submission. The absence of the one will cancel out the effect of the other.
To get a reaction from women, simply use the word submission, and duck! It is usually thought of as the curse word with the most letters. If the topic is discussed in a ladies meeting, you can feel the tension in the audience.
In Ephesians 5:22-24 the Apostle speaks to the wives where we read, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. (24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” The word “submit” is the Greek word meaning to “line up under.” Submission in the Bible is not a man vs. woman issue. But the very essence of Christianity is that we each, as Ephesians 5:21 tells us, “as followers of Christ, submit ourselves one to another.” This is not a reference to slavery or inferiority. God ordained it that way, so society could function under leadership.
God ordained a distinction in function all the way back to Genesis 3:16 when He said to Eve, “…thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Yet in Genesis 2:24, God also said that “the two shall be one flesh.” Now for the sake of unity and workability, the woman is to be subject to the headship of her husband; not as a slave, but as one who is provided for, cared for, and given security by her husband. A lady wrote, “A man’s throne is leadership, a woman’s throne is influence. When a woman takes leadership, she loses influence, but when a woman gives up leadership, she gains influence.”
So then, what is “submission?” Written from a woman’s point of view, here are five of many possible explanations:
First: Submission is a command from God. It doesn’t take a Greek scholar to see that Paul gives a command, “wives, be subject to your own husbands…” and then compares it “…as to the Lord.” As a Christian wife would respond to her Lord, so she is to do to her husband.
Second: Submission is your protection from Satan’s control. In James 4:6-8 we read, “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. (7) Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (8) Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.”
Third: Submission is necessary for rearing of good children. Your children will be as obedient as you are. That is a scary thought, yet an accurate one.
Fourth: Submission avoids conflicts: In any situation when a wife is not willing to yield her will to her husband, he is forced to act in a way which is contrary to God's Word. That is to say, he has two choices:
He can choose to be a bully and demand leadership by force.
He can choose to be a wimp, and allow his wife to lead.
Neither of these are good choices. The only good solution is for the wife to give up leadership to her husband and to follow him. This allows him to be the leader God intended him to be without having to behave in an un-Christ-like manner. Ephesians 5:21 says, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Yet verse 23 of the same chapter tells us that "… the husband is the head of the wife …" How can these two Bible principles be reconciled, by both yielding their wills to each other? The wife chooses to be the one who yields the most. Submission avoids conflict in every area of a marriage.
Fifth: Submission is the oil that keeps the machinery of marriage running smoothly. Since the order of scripture is always correct, then the marriage machine must start with the wife giving submission to her husband. Remember, submission is not just obeying a man’s demand; it’s a woman’s gift to her husband that causes a man to feel responsible and thus encourages him to make sound decisions.
Listen to the following, written by a lady who understands the importance of “submission.” She wrote, “I realize that I will never get past the struggle I have in the area of submission. I can either give-in and live with the consequences, namely a miserable marriage, or I can decide to take my stubbornness and use it in other ways. Ladies, we have a huge, constant desire to REFUSE TO SUBMIT that is going to stay with us till the grave. Let's take that weapon and point it toward something else besides our husbands. Here are a few suggestions.”
REFUSE TO SUBMIT to that crowd of feminists who have accepted "women’s power" with all the rights and honors pertaining thereto to stand up, speak up, and demand our rights. “Anytime you feel that you deserve to be treated a certain way, whether male or female, black or white, young or old — that is nothing more than simply pride that goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden.” We all struggle with submission because we all live with pride.
REFUSE TO SUBMIT to fear that tells you that you cannot have a good marriage because of your past. Refuse to allow your fear to keep you from raising children for the Lord. Do not submit to the fear that keeps you from getting involved at church. If you commit to a ministry then you may truly have to cut all ties with the world. You can no longer walk the fence.
REFUSE TO SUBMIT to the lie that you cannot change.The devil wants you to believe that you have failed so many times that you should no longer try. Do not submit to those lies! You can still succeed at your diet, an exercise program, a healthy lifestyle, a new hobby, a life without drug or alcohol addiction. You can succeed at doing a great work for God. You can raise a godly child now, even if you have an older child who is not living for Christ. Stubbornly refuse to believe that you are too weak to make it happen this time. God is for you! You can change for the better!
REFUSE TO SUBMIT to the sinful habit of listening to gossip and criticism. Jesus Christ can empower you to be strong enough to stop talking bad about others! Refuse to help others tear someone down. Do what you have to do to keep a positive spirit toward your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and fellow church members.
REFUSE TO SUBMIT to laziness. This goes for those who have jobs outside the home or inside the home. If you are home, refuse to spend the day in front of the television or computer screen, surfing the net, chatting on line, and blogging. Get up and get to work! If you are on the job, do not waste your employer's money by frittering away the hours. Each day, fight against the laziness that makes you lose your walk with God. Get up and get your Bible open. God needs strong women who will fight the flesh and win spiritual battles.
REFUSE TO SUBMIT to the things that want to destroy your marriage, your children, your usefulness to God. Dig in and fight, not against men, or your pastor, or your kids, or other Christians. Fight the fight of faith. Determine not to lose what is really important in life. REFUSE TO SUBMIT who you are in Christ!
Listen to these words written by another woman in a book "I am a woman by God's design." This is from her chapter "Subordinate but not Inferior."
"Submission is God's design for a woman. Submission is an attitude of obedience. True submission, which is motivated by a genuine desire to be obedient to the heavenly Father, takes no consideration of selfish ends.
What will I get in return, if I submit?
Is he worthy of my submission?
Will I lose my self-identity and my individual rights, if I submit to my husband?
Before a woman can successfully submit to her husband, she must first submit to Christ. Yes, submitting, to the Lord, means giving up all her selfish desires and personal rights. Then, no longer is she alone in her control of her direction and decisions, because the Holy Spirit is to govern her life. That will ultimately affect her emotions, attitudes, and responses."
Principle #1 says, "Let your ACTIONS speak louder than your words.
Let your ACTIONS LOVE your husband to Christ.
Don't remind him about God, remind God in your prayers about your husband.
Examine yourself. Entrust your husband to God and leave the consequences of his ACTIONS to your Heavenly Father.
In the mean time let your submissive behavior be on constant display. It's what one man calls, "the silent preaching of a lovely life."
The Second Principle is found in verse 3 and has to do with APPEARANCE. “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;” Peter’s point is to "AVOID GOING OVERBOARD" by patching up the externals, especially if your internals are lacking. Don't place all your emphasis on the outside. This passage isn't bad-mouthing cosmetics or taking shots at keeping yourself physically attractive. It's just encouraging you to keep it in balance.
The Apostle Paul tells us in I Timothy 2:9-10, “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” Nothing is wrong with cosmetics, jewelry or clothing. Paul in this text is telling women NOT TO ALLOW THE EXTERNAL THINGS to be their criteria for beauty. Remember this: “THE TRUE BEAUTY OF A WOMAN COMES FROM WITH-IN.”
On the other hand, let me ask you, “What does your husband see when you meet him at the door in the evening? You might say, “Preacher, what's so important about appearance?
Just how attractive are you to him when you smell like disinfectant?
Just how attractive are you to him if you meet him looking like an unmade bed?
For sure, you need to be pure within, but don't stop when you get to the outside. From this passage, and that of I Timothy 2 and I Corinthians 11, ladies ought to call attention to the beauty of their hair and face, not to their body. You ought to dress to please your husband. Coming to the Lord’s house you ought to dress as if you are coming into the presence of the King of Kings. You ought to dress your daughters in the same way. There ought to be a difference in the way a Christian dresses as opposed to the rest of the world. Your appearance is a significant principle that helps build a marriage.
The Third Principle has to do with ATTITUDE. We move from the externals in verse 3 to the internals of verse 4 in the phrase "the hidden man of the heart" What characteristic in her attitude does God consider important? He mentions it here. It is the quality of a "meek and quiet spirit." He adds that this quality is of "great price," that could be translated by the word "precious," meaning a quality that is imperishable; it cannot be erased or destroyed. Peter uses this same Greek word for the words "great price" in:
I Peter 1:7 referring to our imperishable faith, "That the trial of your faith, being much more PRECIOUS than the gold that perisheth…"
I Peter 1:19 referring to the imperishable blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, "But with the PRECIOUS blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot."
Wives, your attitude is that important; it is precious, it is of great price, it cannot be erased, or passed over or destroyed.
When Peter uses the term "meek spirit" he has in mind a grateful spirit. The rights-orientated woman feels that she is OWED certain things, and her expectations can never be satisfied. She chains her husband, children, and others to expectations they cannot possibly fulfill. Yet the woman who has yielded all her expectations to God, has a "meek or grateful spirit."
When Peter uses the term "quiet spirit" he has in mind a woman of tranquility. The wise woman lifts the spirit of her home by speaking words of praise to God, words of sincere appreciation, gratitude, and admiration to others. Critical, belittling words wound the spirit and destroy the atmosphere of the home.
Peter seems to be echoing the words of Solomon from Proverbs 14:1, "Every wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Before leaving this principle, I want to add that it only takes a little while to doll up the externals (some husbands think it takes forever, but that is a woman for you, the externals sometimes require effort). However, cultivating "the hidden person of the heart" is a life-long process.
The Fourth Principle found in verses 5-6 has to do with ATTENTION. “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: (6) Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” You will notice two words here, Sarah submitted and obeyed. Now before you get your feathers ruffles by what this says, it will help to realize the Greek verb for “obeyed” means "she paid attention to him." It represents the idea of attending to the needs of another.
Ladies, please listen closely.
If you are the energetic type, your tendency will be to dash all over the globe, responding to the needs of people everywhere. Everything will clamor for your time. And unless you're careful, they'll get it; if not all of it, most of it. Even church stuff will occupy every hour you'll give.
Over the years, I have met women who are far more concerned about responding to the needs of others outside the home than to that one individual most important to them within the home.
Picture Sarah leaving this note pinned to their tent one evening as Abraham shuffled home from work, bone-tired and dangerously hungry:
Abe: Mutton pot pie in the stone oven. Gone to Torah study with the ladies at Bethel (for you that would be Bible study at church); took the small chariot. Be home late. Don't worry. Be sure to give Isaac herbs for cough at sundown, and by the way, bathe him too, love, Sarah
PS: Don't forget to close all the flaps when you go to bed. Sandstorm is coming and you know how you hate to sweep out the tent.
Hold it, pastor! "If I start being as submissive and obedient as you suggest, my husband will take all kinds of advantage of me. He'll walk all over me. Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile!" Stop and look at verse 6 again, “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” There is your promise: God will honor your LOVING and SUPPORTIVE response.
Now, before I leave the ladies principles and get to the husband’s in verse 7 on “Father’s Day,” let me say two things in concludion.
Number 1: In light of verses 5-6, I challenge you who know what is RIGHT to do what is RIGHT. Please STOP and THINK just maybe you need to BACK OFF by giving LESS attention to so many activities outside your home and MORE undivided attention to your husband and your home. For sure, some people won't understand. But on the other hand, you will reap some amazing and rewarding dividends.
Number 2: Notice again verse 1. You see the word "won?" It's a military term. Ladies, if you have an unsaved husband or a spiritually unsympathetic husband, don't sit back and sulk and suffer. Dedicate yourself to Christ, and give your husband over to the Lord. Let Jesus take him captive for the glory of God and ultimately for you.
Nevertheless, be careful of the weapons you use. Make sure they are the weapons of obedience, submission, meekness and quietness. In other words, overcome selfishness with RIGHTEOUSNESS.
Remember our opening statements?
"Marriage is not so much finding the right person, as it is being the right person." As a WIFE are you genuinely ready to come to terms with your role? "Do you love your husband enough to live for Him?"
On what principle do you need to focus? How much do you need to change? Don't continue to say, "If he would only…" No, your focus must be, “Lord change me, so that the Lord may change him.” Allow me to leave you with these two thoughts:
First: From verses 8-9, cultivate a humble spirit. “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: (9) Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”
Second:Be yourselves found by knowing Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour and Lord.
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If God has spoken to your heart, after reading the sermon “Wives, to your Husbands, say it with Words,” right now talk to God about what He has spoken to you.
Do you have the assurance that one day you will go to heaven? If you have no assurance that you know Jesus Christ, then I trust you will decide to accept Him as your personal Savior. The Bible tells us in
Acts 16:31, “…Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved…”
Romans 10:13, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
This prayer is here for those who need to ask Jesus to be their personal Savior: “I do want to go to Heaven. I know I am a sinner, and I do believe Jesus Christ died for me. I realize I cannot buy this great salvation, nor can I earn it. Knowing Jesus died on the cross and arose from the grave to pay my sin debt and to purchase my salvation, I do now trust Him as my Savior, and from this moment on I am completely depending on Him for my salvation.”
If you made the decision to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior let me know? Please send an e-mail to, pdmikBBM@aol.com and I will send you some literature that will help you in your Christian life.
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In His Amazing Grace,
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