The Spirit Controlled Family


Sunday November 29, 2009   Phone: 570.829.5216
Pastor David Miklas e-mail:
Message: Marriage Text: Ephesians 5:18-33

The Spirit Controlled Family

I don't know about you, but I'm really concerned about the state of today's marriages. Each year several million hopeful couples pledge themselves in holy wedlock, vowing to love each other for better or worse, but about half of them end up in divorce! Today, even the marriages that do hang together are not characterized by the fictitious refrain, "And they lived happily ever after."


The KEY to a successful marriage, and

The KEY to a successful Christian home, and

The KEY to a fulfilled Christian life is in an area that is BASIC, PROFOUND, AND SIMPLE.


However, we not only misunderstand the key, but our neglect of it has rendered much of our spiritual lives and ministries and even Christian marriages and families POWERLESS. This basic truth is in Ephesians 5:18 where we read, “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;” Now the word filled here means to be controlled.


The comparison here is that of a drunken man being controlled by wine to a man being controlled by the Holy Spirit. Just as a man will yield to wine that will control him, so the believer as he yields to the Holy Spirit, that 3rd person of the triune God, will likewise be controlled by Him.

The words, "be filled," here indicate a continuous action verb, which means "being filled repeatedly" or "be filled and be filled and be filled." The filling or the control of the Holy Spirit is a continuous action upon our yielding day by day and moment by moment to the Holy Ghost that lives inside every one who has accepted Jesus as Savior.


Now the passage before us in Ephesians 5:19-6:4, is geared to family living. The KEY to family living is rooted in the "Spirit Controlled Family." The passage shows us the results of an individual or family that is controlled by the Holy Spirit of God in us.


A Spirit controlled PERSON will be singing, singing Christian songs, singing praises unto our God. Verse 19,Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;


A Spirit controlled PERSON will be a thankful person, rejoicing in all things working together for the Glory of God. Verse 20, “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;”


A Spirit controlled PERSON will submit to those over him. Verse 2, Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.


A Spirit controlled WIFE will willingly come under the protection and provision of the husband. Verses 22-24, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. (24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”


A Spirit controlled HUSBAND will Love his wife as Christ loved the church Verse 25-33, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (26) That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, (27) That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. (28) So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. (29) For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (30) For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. (31) For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. (32) This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (33) Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”


A Spirit controlled CHILD will obey and honor their parents, Verse 6:1-3, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. (2) Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) (3) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”


A Spirit controlled FATHER will train up his children and discipline them in the Lord. Verse 6:4, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”


When a "Christian Family" is controlled by the Holy Spirit of God:


It will be easy for a wife to SUBMIT to her husband.

It will be easy for a husband to LOVE his wife.

It will be easy for CHILDREN to OBEY their parents.


Can you imagine a family that lives like that being miserable? IMPOSSIBLE!! That's why I say, this is the KEY to a successful marriage and Christian Family.


Now let me pause here and teach you a very basic truth from the Old Testament to show where all this begins. The truth I am speaking of is the "Anointing of the Holy Spirit." Then I will show you how these two truths of anointing and controlling come together.


We have a tendency in our day to either embrace the Holy Spirit or reject the Holy Spirit. Yet this same Holy Spirit lives within each and every one of us who has put our faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. He is there as our Divine teacher, as our comforter, as our guide, and as our prayer partner. The Holy Spirit is our “Divine Holy Guest living in us.”


In the Old Testament the anointing of a person was for the purpose of empowering and equipping them for a Holy Task.


First: There was the anointing of a PRIEST: In Leviticus 8:10-12 we read, “And Moses took the anointing oil, and anointed the tabernacle and all that was therein, and sanctified them. (11) And he sprinkled thereof upon the altar seven times, and anointed the altar and all his vessels, both the laver and his foot, to sanctify them. (12) And he poured of the anointing oil upon Aaron's head, and anointed him, to sanctify him.” Notice the words ANOINTED and SANCTIFIED are used together. The word “sanctify” means "to set apart." Sanctification does not impart sinless perfection, it means to be set apart for a purpose. For example:


This pulpit is sanctified. It has been set apart for the specific purpose of preaching and teaching the word of God. It is not a perfect pulpit, but none the less, it is a sanctified pulpit.


Now, let’s go back to scripture. Who was sanctified? AARON. Who was Aaron? He was the HIGH PRIEST. The High Priest was anointed that he might be sanctified which means to be set apart. How many times was AARON anointed? ONE TIME.


Second: There was the anointing of a KING: In I Samuel 16:13 we read, “Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward…” Here is the anointing for the purpose of…what? Sanctification, and sanctification is for the purpose of someone or something being set apart for a special purpose. David was anointed to become A KING. How many times was David anointed? Well, he was anointed THREE times, but each time for a different purpose, or as he assumed a new task.



First: in I Samuel 16:13 God sets David apart to become King.

Second: in II Samuel 2:4 he became king over part of Judah.

Third: in II Samuel 5:3 he became king over all of Israel.


David was anointed THREE times, but only one time for each task.


Third: There was the anointing of a PROPHET: In I Kings 19:16 we read, “And Jehu the son of Nimshi shalt thou anoint to be king over Israel: and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abelmeholah shalt thou anoint to be prophet in thy room.” Again notice Elisha was anointed one time for the purpose of being set apart to be a prophet. How many times was Elisha anointed? ONE TIME!


Now after studying each of these verses, there are three observations I would like to bring to your attention:


First: Each anointing was done upon accepting a new responsibility.


When Aaron was anointed in Lev. 8:12 as High Priest, he was accepting a new responsibility When David was first anointed in I Samuel 16:13 as King, he was accepting a new responsibility.

When Elisha was anointed in I Kings 19:16 as Prophet, he was accepting a new responsibility.


Any new task or responsibility for which you, as a child of God, are chosen, or for which you accept, is so important that the Holy Spirit should anoint you. We read in I John 2:27 "But the anointing which you received of him abideth in you…" Of whom was John speaking? He was speaking of the Holy Spirit.


Second: Each anointing was done to equip for a new task. In each case, Aaron the High Priest, Elisha the Prophet and David the King, the anointing was done to equip each of them for a new task. Remember this, “When God calls, He qualifies, He equips and He prepares.”


When a Christian is called to a new responsibility that person needs to be equipped. Hence, he needs to be anointed by the Holy Spirit as God imparts to him what is needed to fulfill his calling and equips him for that calling.


Third: Each anointing was God giving His mind to the individual for fulfilling that new task. What was meant by this anointing?


When God chooses human flesh for a task, God anoints that human flesh by equipping that human flesh with a spiritual mind so he can understand and comprehend his responsibility from a spiritual standpoint, rather than from a secular or human point of view.


Remember the Bible tells us seven times in Revelation 2-3, "He that hath eyes to see, he that hath ears to hear, let him hear what the Spirit says.” In other words, a Christian needs to see and do things through the eyes, mind, and actions of God rather than through his human eyes.


Now let's review what has been said thus far:


There was an anointing for Aaron THE PRIEST.

There was an anointing for David THE KING.

There was an anointing for Elisha THE PROPHET.

Anointing was done upon accepting a new TASK.

Anointing was done to equip for a new TASK.

Anointing was God giving His mind to them for the new TASK.


You have been patiently listening to this message, and perhaps you are saying, “Pastor,


What has this to do with me in the 21st century with all my needs and problems and pressure?

What has this do with my marriage and with my family?

What has this to do with the ministry of this church and my involvement in it?”


WHY IS THIS SO IMPORTANT? Because I believe that many of God's dear people who are serving the Lord in the areas of the church teaching ministry, the children’s and youth ministry, the music ministry, working on some committee, Deacons, and Trustees, have never been anointed for the job, task or responsibility they are doing. Many have never submitted themselves for God to open their spiritual perception of how to carry out the ministry or deal with the spiritual nature of the work of God.


Often God's people FAIL or do GOOD things, but do those GOOD THINGS in the energy of the HUMAN FLESH, and wonder why there are no results.


Often our church programs and meetings go on without the presence of the Holy Spirit, and yet we go right on working without being conscious of His absence, and we wonder why there are no results.


Often as believers we live frustrated lives and wonder why there is no joy in worshiping and in doing service for the Lord.


WHY IS THIS SO IMPORTANT? Because many a wife and many a husband and many a parent and many a grandparent is trying in the energy of human flesh to be something they cannot be because they have taken on the task, job, or responsibility in the family, but don't have God’s mind, wisdom, or discernment for that task.


Now if all this is Bible truth, and it is, then this means:


As God blesses your home with EACH new baby, you as parents ought to have a private anointing service as you accept this unique task. To me, five of the most amazing life experiences was the arrival of our five children.


Jonathan, our preacher son was first. We loved him exclusively for a year and a half.

Then came Grace. Something happened when Grace came. I said, “Lord, how can I love her as I do Jonathan?”

Then came Joel, and I asked the Lord the same question.

Then came Ruth and I wondered the same thing.

Finally, Rebecca arrived, and again I asked the Lord to equip me to uniquely love her as well.


Each new birth required an anointing service.


As EACH new grandchild comes into your family, making you a grandparent, you need this anointing. I have done this with:


Alicia Dena, and Zachary Daniel, with Matthew Joel, Autumn Rose, and Luke David, with Angela Grace, Emily Grace, Jennifer Grace, Kimberly Grace, Billy, Deborah Grace, and Jimmy, with Nathaniel Raymond David, Bethany Mary Ruth, Andrew Timothy Lee, Isaac Joel, and Chloe Grace, and finally with Michael David, Stephen David, and Joshua David.


Each time I asked the Holy Spirit of God to anoint me for the task of being a grandparent to them.


EVERY time you accept a new position at work, even though it may be a secular job, you ought to have the anointing of God during which you say "Oh, Spirit of the living God, I need you to anoint me for this task, I yield this mind, body and soul to you. I need your wisdom, I need your mind, and I need your understanding to carry out this responsibility so as to bring GLORY UNTO YOU."


Anointing is a time of being set apart, it is a private ordination for each and every new task, job, or responsibility you are given. Remember:


The anointing is for the new task.

The filling comes while you work at the task.

The filling is the mighty power of God’s Holy Spirit that controls you when you yield to him begging for power.


EVERY time you volunteer to work on a team or to work in a ministry you need to get alone and have an anointing service. During this private ordination service, you should ask God to equip you, to open your eyes and mind to understand things from the spiritual point of view. Can you imagine what would happen in our church ministries if;


We had anointed folks in our church music.

We had anointed Deacons and Trustees.

We had anointed Sunday school teachers, youth workers, and children’s ministry workers.

We had anointed Nursery workers, ushers, and all others who serve in any ministry.


“No program, no Sunday school, no official board, no pulpit, no ministry is really any good unless it is empowered by the Holy Spirit. All our activities are nothing but sounding brass and tinkling symbols unless they have the Holy breath of God’s Spirit upon them!"


I have brought with me a special GLASS. This glass was given to me some 20 years ago. I had the privilege of leading to the Lord the man who gave me this glass. He bought the glass and had PASTOR DAVE inscribed on it. This glass for many years remained in my pulpit.


Here is the lesson. This glass was sanctified. It was set apart for a special purpose to hold my drinking water at the pulpit. But even though this glass was sanctified, it had to be filled all the time in order to be useful. That is just like you and me.


In Ephesians 5:18 the filling or control by the Holy Spirit is a continuous action upon our yielding, whereas the doctrine of anointing is a one time action for each job or responsibility.


As your pastor, I am concerned about you getting into the Bible and understanding its truths, but more than that, I am concerned about your life being changed by the indwelling Holy Spirit. I am more concerned about changed lives than you just occupying a pew on Sunday.


When you take on a new task, a new responsibility, you need to have an anointing from the Lord. Then every time you serve in that task day after day or week after week, you need to say, "God, I need to be Spirit filled, and Spirit controlled."


For those of you who serve the Lord with your labor and hold positions within the Church, I challenge you to get alone for a private ordination service with the Lord. Ask God to set you apart and to give you a spiritual mind as you serve Him for His glory.


Carrying on God's work is not like carrying on business in the secular world. There is something HOLY and SACRED and HIGHER that requires the anointing of God and the constant power of God to do.


Never get to the place where you think you have arrived in the Christian life. If you do, that is the day you begin to backslide. O' yes, you need the anointing of the Holy Spirit on each and every new task, but day after day you also need to be yielded to constant control by the Holy Spirit.


Have you a new responsibility? Begin this responsibility by finding a quiet place and having a little private ordination service between you and God. Ask God to lay His hands upon you and to anoint you for the task ahead.

Tell Him that the task is bigger than you, and the responsibility is too great for the flesh.

Ask Him to anoint you, to sanctify you, to equip you, to inaugurate you for the job ahead.

Ask Him for His mind as you serve.

Ask Him to appropriate to you what you need.


Then day after day beg for His power, plead for His fullness and walk in His Holy Spirit.


Perhaps no human hands will place olive oil on your brow. But at such a time of surrender, the hand of God could use His Holy Spirit to equip you for a task for which by nature you are not equipped.


Perhaps today I am talking with FRUSTRATED WIVES, who since your marriage have never asked God to anoint you for the task. Nor have you asked the blessed Holy Spirit of God to control you as a wife.


Perhaps today I am also talking with EXASPERATED HUSBANDS, who since your marriage, have never asked God to anoint you for the task. Nor have you asked the blessed Holy Spirit of God to control you as a husband.


Perhaps I am talking with PARENTS who are at their WITS END with their children. You have tried everything except asking God to anoint you for the task. Nor have you submitted to the control of the Holy Spirit to demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit before your children.


Perhaps I am talking with grandparents who need to ask God for an anointing on each and every grandchild.


Perhaps I am talking with people who take part in the music ministry or are Sunday school teachers, youth workers, nursery and children workers, members of other ministries here or even Deacons who need to go before God as David put it in Psalm 92:10 "…I shall be anointed with fresh oil."




All the counseling in the world,

All the books on the KEYS to successful marriage and family,

All the seminars and messages on the KEYS to living a fruitful, blessed, Christian life and service for Jesus can't do what this simple yet profound truth will do if you will apply it to your life.


It all begins with an anointing of the Holy Spirit and daily continues with control by the Holy Spirit. Today get on your face before God and say,


"God I am not asking for all that I can have in the future at one time, but I am asking that you anoint me for the task of ________________. I need your eyes, your mind, your will and your purpose to be done in my life at this task. I pray you will anoint me and set me apart for it in Jesus’ name."


O’ may you say as David said in Psalm 92:10 "…I shall be anointed with fresh oil."



If God has spoken to your heart after reading the sermon “The Spirit Controlled Family” then right now talk to God about what He has spoken to you.


Do you have the assurance that one day you will go to heaven? If you have no assurance that you know Jesus Christ, then I trust you will decide to accept Him as your personal Savior. The Bible tells us in


Acts 16:31, “…Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved…”

Romans 10:13, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

This prayer is here for those who need to ask Jesus to be their personal Savior: “I do want to go to Heaven. I know I am a sinner, and I do believe Jesus Christ died for me. I realize I cannot buy this great salvation, nor can I earn it. Knowing Jesus died on the cross and arose from the grave to pay my sin debt and to purchase my salvation, I do now trust Him as my Savior, and from this moment on I am completely depending on Him for my salvation.”

If you made the decision to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior let me know? Please send an e-mail to, and I will send you some literature that will help you in your Christian life.

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